Empathy and Emotions in Psychotherapy: Understanding Ourselves and Others

Empathy is often described as the ability to understand another person's feelings. But what does it really mean to understand someone, and how does empathy contribute to psychological change? In their article, Empathy and Emotions in Psychotherapy: A Phenomenological Perspective, Irarrázaval and colleagues explore the relationship between empathy, emotions, self-understanding, and interpersonal difficulties. Their work offers a useful perspective on why we sometimes struggle to understand others, and how therapy can help.

What is empathy?

The authors distinguish between two forms of empathy. Basic empathy involves our immediate awareness of another person's emotional and bodily expressions, such as their facial expressions, tone of voice, or posture. It is part of the spontaneous interpersonal connection that allows us to recognize how someone else is feeling.

Extended empathy goes further. It involves exploring another person's subjective experience, including their emotions, personal meanings, history, and understanding of the world. Rather than simply imagining how we would feel in someone else's situation, extended empathy involves discovering how that person actually experiences it. This distinction is important because our own assumptions, experiences, and biases can lead us to misunderstand someone.

The authors also describe self-empathy, which is the process of developing a deeper understanding of our own experience. We may notice that we feel anxious, angry, or disconnected without fully understanding why. Through self-empathy, we begin to explore these experiences with curiosity, bringing greater awareness to feelings, bodily sensations, personal meanings, and needs. In this sense, self-empathy is a process of understanding ourselves, rather than simply arriving at an insight or explanation.

How emotions can interfere with empathy

They on Emotion-Focused Therapy's concept of emotion schemes that I've mentioned in other posts. An emotion scheme is an integrated pattern involving emotions, bodily sensations, perceptions, meanings, motivations, and needs. These patterns develop through experience and influence how we respond to the world.

Some emotion schemes are adaptive: they help us respond appropriately to our circumstances. Others, described as primary maladaptive emotion schemes, develop from unresolved experiences, unmet needs, or traumatic learning. They may once have served a protective purpose, but can become activated in situations that are no longer dangerous or threatening.

For example, someone who experienced humiliation or rejection in childhood may carry a deep sense of shame. A small criticism at work might then trigger the feeling of being fundamentally inadequate. Someone who experienced emotional neglect may interpret a friend's lateness as evidence that they are being abandoned. A person with a history of trauma might experience fear or terror in situations that are objectively safe.

When these emotional patterns are activated, they can interfere with our ability to recognize another person's experience. We may assume that a partner is rejecting us, that a friend is intentionally ignoring us, or that someone is judging us, without being able to consider other possible explanations. The authors suggest that these disruptions in basic empathy can contribute to interpersonal difficulties and further psychological distress.

How therapy can restore empathy

The therapist's empathy plays an important role in helping clients develop self-empathy. By carefully exploring a client's experience, the therapist helps bring previously unclear emotions, bodily sensations, and personal meanings into awareness.

Consider someone who becomes distant when their partner does not provide enough attention, is too demanding or disrespectful. Through exploration, they may discover that beneath the avoidance is a deeper experience of loneliness, sadness, anger, and a need for support. As this underlying experience becomes clearer, the person may be better able to recognize and communicate what the problem is and what they or their partner need to do to fix it.

This process does not mean that every emotional reaction is caused by the past, or that our feelings are always inaccurate. Rather, it invites us to become curious about whether our present response fits the current situation. As we develop greater self-understanding, we may become less governed by old emotional patterns and more capable of tolerating a vulnerable conversation that can lead to long term satisfaction.

What this means for our relationships

The central message of the article is that empathy toward others and empathy toward ourselves are closely connected. When we feel understood by another person, we may become better able to understand our own experiences. As self-empathy develops, we may also become more capable of recognizing the experiences of others without immediately filtering them through our own emotional reactions.

In psychotherapy, this creates an opportunity to explore not only what we feel, but also what those feelings mean, where they may come from, and what needs they point toward. Through this process, we can begin to develop a more flexible relationship with our emotions and the people around us.

At Pathways to Resilience, I believe that a trusting, nonjudgmental therapeutic relationship can provide an important foundation for this kind of exploration. Understanding ourselves more deeply can help us find new ways of relating to our emotions, our needs, and the people who matter to us.

Irarrázaval, L., et al. (2022). Empathy and Emotions in Psychotherapy: A Phenomenological Perspective. Frontiers in Psychology, 13. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9589103/